What Am I Doing To Be A Better Wife?

           One of my favorite people to listen to is Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  He has a way of saying just what I need to hear.  I have read one of the talks he gave in June 2006 Entitled, “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan”.  (“His” meaning God’s plan).  He poses the question for us to ask ourselves, “What am I doing to become a better husband or wife…?” ¹ That has made me stop and evaluate myself as a wife.  What am I doing to be a better wife to my husband?  Am I consciously making an effort each day to give my husband my best self?  Are there things that I need to improve upon? 

     Elder Bednar cautions us to be “especially vigilant in seeking personal inspiration as to how we can protect and safeguard our own marriages.” ¹ How am I safeguarding and protecting my marriage?  It is so easy to get into a day-to-day routine that becomes so mundane that I sometimes take my marriage for granted.  I know that this pleases the adversary (Satan) because he doesn’t want my marriage to be a happy, strong one.  He wants me to be miserable like he is.

     Elder Bruce C. Hafen once stated that a contractual marriage is a 50%-50% relationship, where a couples tend to look out for themselves more and run when trouble hits.  By contrast, a couple in a covenant marriage (a marriage where the couple makes covenants with the Lord as well as with each other), have a 100%-100% relationship, knowing that when trouble or trials come, as they always will, they will work side by side with each other and with the Lord to get through.  ² This is the marriage I am striving for.

     So what am I doing to achieve this?  I firmly believe that strong, covenant marriages happen when we take the time to make our spouses feel that they are loved, unconditionally, and are supported, especially in times of stress and pain.  One of my classmates shared with us that each evening when her husband comes home, she stops what she is doing and greets him with a hug and kiss, always asking about his day and truly listening.  This seems like such a small thing, but I have tried to implement this better and I can honestly say it has truly made a difference in my marriage. 

     Another thing that I have been working on is not complaining, but rather being as positive as I can about my worries, his demanding job and calling in church, and just life in general.   Even the weather!  This is the time of year where the temperatures of 100+ days are getting really old, and I usually do a lot of complaining, wondering why we live here in AZ.  I have really tried hard to not complain this year, but rather be grateful that we live in a place that is beautiful in the evenings and not buried in snow; A place that has offered steady employment for my husband and great place to raise a family in the gospel.

     Making time for my husband and I to spend together, completely focused on each other is another way I know will help safeguard and protect our marriage.  It is much too easy to get to the end of the week and just collapse in front of the T.V.  I have found that, again, it is in the small ways we spend time together that draw us closer to one another.  Taking an evening walk and talking, preparing a meal together, even just running errands can be fun.  Sometime collapsing at the end of a particularly hard week is okay, but we can collapse into each other’s arms first, and reassure each other of our love. 

     Making sure that I am doing what I can to “come unto Christ” and striving to become “perfected in Him” (Moroni 10:32) is a critically thing that I can do to become a better wife.  When I am in line with what the Savior has taught and am striving each day to follow His teachings, I know that my heart will be full of love for all those around me, especially my husband.

     I know that I need to improve.  I want to improve as a wife.  I love my husband and our marriage, and I will strive to be ever vigilant in protecting and strengthening my marriage.

1.  Bednar, David A. “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan.”

2.   Bruce C. Hafen, "Covenant Marriage"