The Enemy of our Marriages: Pride

One of the worst things that can creep into a marriage is pride.  Unfortunately, as human beings, we tend to see the faults in others first before ever admitting to our own faults.  This is nothing more than pride.  President Ezra Taft Benson, thirteenth President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said in his talk “Beware of Pride”,  “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted to ourselves.” 

So what exactly is pride?  President Benson tells us that pride is more than self-centerednes, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance our haughtiness.  He states that “the central feature of pride is enmity-enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellow men.  Enmity means hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition, and is essentially competitive by nature.

I have never thought of pride as enmity toward God and fellow men.  This is such a serious sin and weakness.  According to President Benson “pride is the universal sin, the great vice. 

When pride creeps into our marriages it can have devastating effects if left unchecked and unrepentant of .  In Proverbs 16:18 we read “Pride goeth before destruction.”  Unfortunately a marriage can be destroyed due to pride. 

So what does pride look like in a marriage?  Let me as you these questions first.  Have you ever caught yourself wanting to change something in your spouse?  Have you ever been irritated with your spouse?   Do you and your spouse compete to see you is right in a disagreement?  Do you ever give your spouse the cold shoulder when he/she offends you in any way?  Are you slow to forgive your spouse?  Do you hold grudges against your spouse?  If you answer yes to any of these than there is pride within your marriage.  H. Wallace Goddard, PhD. says, “any time we feel irritated with our spouse, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent.  We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility.” 

President Benson tells us that the antidote for pride is humility-meekness, submissiveness, a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  Becoming humble is a choice we need to consciously make.  When we are humble we fill ourselves with the love of Christ.  Goddard states, “while the natural man is inclined to think that the problem is our partner, the man of Christ knows that the irritation is probably the result of some faulty thinking-some troublesome assumption and expectation nested in our unconscious.”  Thus when we truly love someone, truly make the choice to love them fully, we will “recognize that a person is beautiful because we choose to love her or him”  and their little quirks will never bother us.

1.    Goddard, H.W.  Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  Chapter 4: "Humility & Repentance

2.  President Ezra T. Benson, "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989, 4-7.