Sacred Intimacy

Elder Holland has stated, “Human intimacy, that sacred, physical union ordained of God for a married couple, deals with a symbol that demands special sanctity…a symbol of total union: union of  their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything. “1  To the world, intimacy is nothing more than sexual pleasure that fulfills one’s own need.  But  with  God it is a sacred power that encompasses this total union as Elder Holland describes.

In the beginning of time, Adam and Eve were commanded by God to cleave (join) unto each other and become one.² In a very real and sacred way, our Heavenly Father was commanding them to share in the gift of intimacy as a married couple.  Elder Holland states that ,”In this ultimate physical expression of one man and one woman, they are as nearly and as literally one as two separate physical bodies can ever be.  It is in that act of ultimate physical intimacy that we most nearly fulfill the commandment of the Lord given to Adam and Eve, living symbols for all married couples, when He invited them to cleave unto one another only, and thus become “one flesh”.³

One of the main reasons for God to implant these feelings in us, of course, is His commandment to have children and become partners with Him in bringing down those spirit children to the earth in order for them to gain a body and experience this life on the earth.  Many outside of the church believe that we, as members of the church, think that this is the only reason and time we share intimacy with our spouses.  This couldn’t be further from the truth. 

I love what Elder Parely P. Pratt said so long ago, “Our natural affections are planted in us by the Spirit of God, for a wise purpose; and they are the very main-springs of life and happiness-they are the cement of all virtuous and heavenly society-they are the essence of charity, or love…There is not a more pure and holy principle in existence than the affection which glows in the bosom of a virtuous man for his companion…The fact is, God made man, male and female; he planted in their bosoms those affections which are calculated to promote their happiness and union.” ⁴

President Spencer W. Kimball 12^th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said, “It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units.  In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved.  There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in the expression of love.”⁵   He further states that “marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive.  This is within the reach of every couple, every person.” ⁶

Sacred human intimacy is divine and a great blessing to those within the bound of marriage.  It is the ultimate expression of love, commitment and unity. 

1.  Holland, Jeffrey R. (2001).  Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments. Salt Lake City, Utah.    Deseret Book

2.  Genesis 2:24

3.  Holland, J. R. (2001).  Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments. Salt Lake City, Utah.    Deseret Book

4.  Pratt. P.P.  Writings of Parley Parker Pratt, 52-53

5.  Kimball, S.W. (2002 Oct) Oneness in Marriage Ensign

6.  Kimball, S.W. (2002 Oct) Oneness in Marriage Ensign

An Attitude of Gratitude

President Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has counseled us that we must always have an attitude of gratitude.  When we take this to heart, suddenly a change for the better comes over us and we see everything and everyone around us in a very different and positive light.

The world is not perfect, far from and neither are any of us the live on it.  In marriage two imperfect people come together in order to create a marriage as close to perfection as possible. How can this be done?  It all starts with each person and their attitude toward each other.  Are we going to focus on not only our imperfections but our spouses as well?  Are we going to dwell on what we don’t have or what is missing in our lives?  Are we going to criticize each other and get easily frustrated?  Well, the choice is yours.  We can choose to do all these things and be absolutely miserable.  Or we can choose to love and have an attitude of gratitude! 

I love the quote “Choose your love.  Love your choice”.  Showing gratitude toward our spouse is one of the best ways to love them.  Think about what attracted you to him or her in the first place.  Didn’t you only see the positive qualities he/she possessed? 

So how do we implement an attitude of gratitude, especially when it comes to our marriages?  Gottman challenges us to focus on our tendency to be negative and change that by noticing all the little things in our lives and search for things to praise and utter words of thanks.  He states that this will help us overcome our negative feelings.  Along with this we should give at least one heartfelt praise to our husband each day for a week, then extend that to others in our family.  Notice their positive qualities, express appreciation and enjoy them.  The most important thing to do is to ignore their shortcomings. 

I am ready for this challenge and am looking forward to the change I will experience in my own heart.  Are you ready for the challenge?

            

A Consecrated Marriage

What does it mean to have a consecrated marriage?  The word consecrate means that we give everything for a holy or sacred purpose.  When it comes to marriage it means that we are willing to give our spouse our best efforts and complete forgiveness every day.  Each spouse comes into their marriage with their own personalities and quirks.  Being willing to look past those little annoyances, and appreciating our spouse for who he is can help us develop a consecrated marriage.

Kent Brooks of the BYU faculty of Church History and Doctrine says this:

“Our capacity to love a spouse deeply and our ability to experience great joy in marriage are commensurate with the degree to which we are willing to suffer hurt, to labor and toil, and to persevere through moments of unhappiness, stress, disappointment and tests of our patience and love for our partners.”  It is having a Christ like love.

In my own marriage my husband has been such a great example of this.  I have many faults that he has chosen to look past.  Through the little things he does for me every day I have no doubt of his deep love for me.  His ability to give, and give even more, especially during the times of extreme stress astounds me. His willingness to forgive me every single day only deepens my desire to do the same for him.   As he does this for me, I strive to do the same for him. 

H. Wallace Goddard asks these questions:

1.     Do (I) bring (my) greatest generosity and richest forgiving to (my) marriage?

2.     Do (I) offer my whole soul and (my) best efforts as an offering?

He goes on to say  “those who consecrate themselves to their marriage by bringing their whole souls as an offering to the everyday events of a relationship are building a storehouse of sweet memories.  They are building an eternal relationship on brick at a time.”

The Enemy of our Marriages: Pride

One of the worst things that can creep into a marriage is pride.  Unfortunately, as human beings, we tend to see the faults in others first before ever admitting to our own faults.  This is nothing more than pride.  President Ezra Taft Benson, thirteenth President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said in his talk “Beware of Pride”,  “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted to ourselves.” 

So what exactly is pride?  President Benson tells us that pride is more than self-centerednes, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance our haughtiness.  He states that “the central feature of pride is enmity-enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellow men.  Enmity means hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition, and is essentially competitive by nature.

I have never thought of pride as enmity toward God and fellow men.  This is such a serious sin and weakness.  According to President Benson “pride is the universal sin, the great vice. 

When pride creeps into our marriages it can have devastating effects if left unchecked and unrepentant of .  In Proverbs 16:18 we read “Pride goeth before destruction.”  Unfortunately a marriage can be destroyed due to pride. 

So what does pride look like in a marriage?  Let me as you these questions first.  Have you ever caught yourself wanting to change something in your spouse?  Have you ever been irritated with your spouse?   Do you and your spouse compete to see you is right in a disagreement?  Do you ever give your spouse the cold shoulder when he/she offends you in any way?  Are you slow to forgive your spouse?  Do you hold grudges against your spouse?  If you answer yes to any of these than there is pride within your marriage.  H. Wallace Goddard, PhD. says, “any time we feel irritated with our spouse, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent.  We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility.” 

President Benson tells us that the antidote for pride is humility-meekness, submissiveness, a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  Becoming humble is a choice we need to consciously make.  When we are humble we fill ourselves with the love of Christ.  Goddard states, “while the natural man is inclined to think that the problem is our partner, the man of Christ knows that the irritation is probably the result of some faulty thinking-some troublesome assumption and expectation nested in our unconscious.”  Thus when we truly love someone, truly make the choice to love them fully, we will “recognize that a person is beautiful because we choose to love her or him”  and their little quirks will never bother us.

1.    Goddard, H.W.  Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  Chapter 4: "Humility & Repentance

2.  President Ezra T. Benson, "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989, 4-7.